


Skaianet News Conference Explains That Recent Meteors Were Caused By Alpha Test In Games Division, Insists That "Armageddon Is Not Upon Us"

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: 1979-2009, Gen, Skaianet Laboratories, Speculative
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-10
Updated: 2010-10-10
Packaged: 2017-10-12 14:03:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/125630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Skaianet Demos Breakthrough "Skaia-Series" Technology: Changing Real Life Using Computer Code<br/>Skaianet Creates Games Division Under Leadership Of Ryan Egbert<br/>Skaianet Releases Second-Generation "48-Bit Sylladex" Cards And Moduses; Refuses To Change Minimum Age Limit From Thirteen</p><p>A listing of a variety of fictional news headlines, in chronological order. No abstracts, no descriptions, just a variety of headlines. A handful of them may have... "implications", but the rating of this work depends entirely upon how you interpret it, rather than anything spelled out in the work, so this is General.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Skaianet News Conference Explains That Recent Meteors Were Caused By Alpha Test In Games Division, Insists That "Armageddon Is Not Upon Us"

**1979**  
Adventurer "Hass" Harley Finds Mysterious Ruins In Pacific

 **1981**  
"Hass" Harley and Lily Lalonde Co-Found Skaianet Laboratories, Hire Programmers For Mysterious Project

 **1982**  
Skaianet Demos Breakthrough "Skaia-Series" Technology: Changing Real Life Using Computer Code

 **1984**  
Skaianet Receives Patent For Reality-Altering Programming

 **1985**  
Skaianet Misses Announced Public Beta Date For Skaia-Series Languages, Insists "It'll Be Done When It's Done"

 **1987**  
Skaianet Releases Long-Anticipated "~ATH" Compiler For Personal Computers, Notes That The Pun Wasn't Deliberate

 **1989**  
Skaianet Buys Out "Sylladex Technologies Inc."; Announces Development of Captchalogue Technology

 **1990**  
Skaianet Contracts with IBM, Companies Jointly Announce "^CAKE" Support In New Personal Computers  
Skaianet Releases Sylladex 1.0; Sets Minimum Age Limit For Operation

 **1991**  
Stallman Calls For Free Software Release Of Skaia-Series Languages, Sylladex; Skaianet Responds "When The Time Is Right"

 **1992**  
Skaianet Creates Games Division Under Leadership Of Ryan Egbert  
Hasbro and Mattel Reportedly Collaborating With Skaianet For Sponsored "Modus" Cards

 **1993**  
Proof-Of-Concept Skaia-series Computer Viruses Circulated; Skaianet Notes That Virus Programmers Will "Receive A Fate They Deserve"  
"DIS*" Released; Advertised as "Preparedness Engine" Due To Ability To Use Statements Triggered By Natural Disasters

 **1994**  
Skaianet's Sylladex Ruled Not Responsible For Wrongful Death By 9th Circuit Court Of Appeals; Plaintiffs Plan To Appeal Decision

 **1995**  
Skaianet News Conference Explains That Recent Meteors Were Caused By Alpha Test In Games Division, Insists That "Armageddon Is Not Upon Us"

 **1996**  
"Hass" Harley Apparently Moving To The Middle Of The Pacific Ocean; Reports Of Illegitimate Daughter Abound  
"^CAKE" Computer Virus Seen In The Wild; Turns User's Hair White; Skaianet Cooperating With Authorities

 **1998**  
Skaianet Officially Begins Work On Open-Source Skaia-Series Compiler; Proclaims "The Time Is Now Right"

 **1999**  
Skaianet Reassures Programmers That Skaia-Series Languages Are Already Y2K-Safe

 **2000**  
Third-Party Moduses Seen Failing on January 1; Skaianet's Own Moduses Continue Working (Is This Lock-In?)  
Skaianet Games Division Releases First "Immersive Simulation" Titles, Says More Are In The Pipeline

 **2001**  
Lily Lalonde (Skaianet CEO) Detained Briefly for Questioning; Reports She Had "Premonition" Of Terrorist Attacks

 **2002**  
All Skaia-Series Languages Now Ported To Mac, Linux, Windows  
Kevin Strider Given Rare "Skaianet Scholarship" For No Discernible Reason

 **2003**  
Lily Lalonde Removed As CEO Of Skaianet, Rumored That Her Alcoholism Was A Major Factor

 **2004**  
Skaianet Games Division Releases More "Immersive Simulation" Titles, Says The Next Game Will Be A "Magnum Opus"

 **2005**  
Skaianet Releases Second-Generation "48-Bit Sylladex" Cards And Moduses; Refuses To Change Minimum Age Limit From Thirteen

 **2006**  
Gender Identification Software ("Is Your Internet Girlfriend Really A Girl?") Protested By Transgender Groups

 **2007**  
Skaianet Games Division Announces New Immersive Simulation Game called "Sburb"

 **2008**  
Online Weight-Loss Scams Shut Down By Police; Skaianet Reiterates It Is Not Responsible For Any Damage Resulting From Reality Programming

 **2009**  
Signups for Skaianet's "Sburb" Public Beta Now Open


End file.
